I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
