What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
