I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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