The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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