Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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