Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
