yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
