the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
