When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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