This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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