You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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