what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
