No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
