Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
