loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
