I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
