you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen