can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.