cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE