i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
