It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
