i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
