I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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