I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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