It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
