why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
