dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
