The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
