I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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