I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
