Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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