K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
