Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
