ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
