Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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