i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
honey bunches of taint.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
