Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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