About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize