I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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