Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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