FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
