So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
