I'm going to jail i love you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
