Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
