he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
