Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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