she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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