dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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