This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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