So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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