My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
