My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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