Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
