I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
