just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
