when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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