You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
