and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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