is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
