Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
