Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
