okay pat passed out under dana's car
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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