I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
