I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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