fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
