He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
